Ronda Litwin

During moments of chaos, meditation can help me refocus and create the space to respond more mindfully. The practice gives me the chance to stop before I yell. It gives me the mental space to teach rather than punish. It makes gentle parenting possible. It gives me a chance to reframe my attitude and change the lens with which I see behavior.

Before I had kids, I was a 500-hour registered Hatha yoga instructor and taking classes to deepen my spiritual practices. I didn’t teach yoga because I was a naturally calm and centered person. I did it because I need mindfulness to manage my ADHD. I often meditated for 20 minutes twice a day. Once I had kids that all stopped. No more teaching yoga, consistently practicing meditation, taking classes, or being in community. Despite loosing time for self-care, meditation became even more important as I started homeschooling my ADHD son.

I still tried to do yoga and meditation on my own but it was really hard to maintain my mindful practices. Life got way more complicated and real. I got a lot less mindful as I continually felt like I was in survival mode. Sleep deprivation, constant nursing, and caring for one, then two, and finally three kids left me deeply fulfilled and deeply drained. This odd juxtaposition is something that most parents can understand.

Now, my youngest child is four years old and I’m starting to feel a little more like myself and finding more time for self-care. I can’t go back to who I was before kids and I wouldn’t want to go backwards. This is a new journey of self-discovery. I still can’t go to yoga classes or many events. But, I can create a sanctuary at home, create a habit of reconnecting with stillness, and parent mindfully. Art, writing, meditating, breathwork, music, audiobooks, and spending time with nature are the best ways for me to connect with peace and myself right now. I can do most of these things with my kids.

I’d love to do yoga and meditation with them and sometimes I do, but it’s not the practice I once had. It’s an introductory practice to lay the foundation for their own journey in the future.

The other day, I took my kids for playdate at the park. I also brought my art supplies. Between exploring the creek, playing with kids, and chatting with my friend, I managed to create art. It took ten minutes but it had a big impact on my outlook for the day.

The idea for this art is came to me during meditation. It was not some high and lofty vision of peace. Instead is a reflection of the messy reality of my life.

My husband I try to meditate for 10 minutes each day. During that time, I ask my two boys I homeschool not to disturb us unless someone is bleeding or something is on fire. They hear, “you can be as wild as you want for 10 minutes and no one will stop you.” I think the time works for everyone in their own way. We meditate using the Insight Timer app’s ambient sounds of chanting monks. The kids know not to interrupt when they hear those sounds. As my husband and I sit quietly and try to focus on our breath, our mantra, and the space between thoughts, we invariably hear running, yelling and all kinds of chaos we trust can be managed after our 10-minutes concludes.

It requires a lot of focus and some sessions are more zen than others. Even if my mind wondered a lot, I know that also means I practiced refocusing a lot.

I’m not saying meditation alone manages my ADHD. Nor did meditation alone make me a mindful parent. Dr. Ross Greene and many other ADHD and mindful parenting experts were also essential. However, it was the practice of slowing down my thoughts that made it possible to implement conscious and ADHD-affirming parenting techniques.